Thursday, October 21, 2010
(:
Life is a crazy thing. I wake up each day. When almost 3 years ago I was dead. Why didn't I die? Why did I just go? I'm not sure if I'm happy that I'm still here. I go though life day by day. I don't feel much. I don't get excited for anything and I don't really care about anyone or anything. My family and close friends are fantastic. I love em but what am I really doing for them? Nobody's perfect. Literally have you ever met someone who's perfect. I want to be perfect. I'm going back to church. I'm starting to live my life more freely and that's what makes me wonder if it's even worth it. Well, one thing's for sure. Life goes on! (:
Monday, June 28, 2010
Running Away . . .
I have felt as though lately I have been running away from everything. I haven't though, I know I haven't. I just am really feeling like I have no cares in my life. Even though, I've lost my job, found out some helath stuff I need to take care off, my new(er) car breaking on me, boys saying one thing and meaning another, having little to no (true) friends. But these things don't matter to me, I don't think. I mean I can't continue to get wrapped up in things I can't change. I'm all for change but only when it's wanted. Don't get me wrong I want it but maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change.
I also have thought a lot about settling down. I have a perfect potential candidate . . . but he's super busy ALL the time that I can't seem to show trust. It's horrible, I'm 19 and have trust issues but what can I do about it? So for now, I sit and I sit and I sit and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change."
I've also been thinking about how everyone seems to be your friend until you have nothing left to give or offer. Well, that they are looking for. I always have things to offer just not the same thing all of the time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's love and other times it's a shoulder, it's an ear, it's a simple few words of advice and sometimes it's the silence they've been looking for . . . once they've come to me and taken every last drop out of my they're gone. That's fine, I just wish one person would stay a while. It would sure make me feel good! Until then, I wait and I wait and I wait and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change [either]."
Life goes on.
Life doesn't stop for everyone.
Life also doesn't just change for anyone.
I'm okay with this now. It's taken far too long and I still have a lot of waiting to do, a lot of hoping, wishing and broken hearts but I'm excited (not really) for it. Now on to the next chapter of my life. I think I've finally surpassed my teenage years and I'm ready . . . I'm really ready.
(:
I also have thought a lot about settling down. I have a perfect potential candidate . . . but he's super busy ALL the time that I can't seem to show trust. It's horrible, I'm 19 and have trust issues but what can I do about it? So for now, I sit and I sit and I sit and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change."
I've also been thinking about how everyone seems to be your friend until you have nothing left to give or offer. Well, that they are looking for. I always have things to offer just not the same thing all of the time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's love and other times it's a shoulder, it's an ear, it's a simple few words of advice and sometimes it's the silence they've been looking for . . . once they've come to me and taken every last drop out of my they're gone. That's fine, I just wish one person would stay a while. It would sure make me feel good! Until then, I wait and I wait and I wait and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change [either]."
Life goes on.
Life doesn't stop for everyone.
Life also doesn't just change for anyone.
I'm okay with this now. It's taken far too long and I still have a lot of waiting to do, a lot of hoping, wishing and broken hearts but I'm excited (not really) for it. Now on to the next chapter of my life. I think I've finally surpassed my teenage years and I'm ready . . . I'm really ready.
(:
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The internet has a mind of it's own.
Yesterday I didn't get on to blog because my internet has a mind of it's own.
So yesterday I did some fun stuff, not really . . . my life is pretty boring but I need to log it for future generations, or so they say. (:
All's I can remember from yesterday was two things; going to the gym and playing disc golf with Alexis.
Today is a whole different story.
1) I actually got to sleep in!!! This is phenominal. I rarely sleep past 6:20 . . . sad but true.
2) I got right up and went to the gym. I ran 3 miles in 41 minutes. Not bad!!! (:
3) I then went to my grandma's and did laundry. I didn't have a lot until I stripped my bed because I poured water all over myself and the sheets last nigh. Alright, funn story . . . are you ready!?
So I got up some time last night, no idea when and I guess got a bottle of water. Well I was sleeping in bed and must have been drinking that water in my bed because I woke myself up to a frozen cold splash of water to my face. It was so funny I busted up laughing in the middle of the night to a soaked bed. I thought for a second I pee'd my pants. (:
4) I went tanning, it was fantastic tomorrow is the last of my pass so I'll be sad but I still have four stand up bed days, and I'm thrilled for that! At least my day won't revolve around what time I need to go tanning anymore!
50) Once I got home I jumped in the shower and went to Alexis' house and hung out with her and Bean (her dog) and Stockton. He's a cool kat. ha-ha. We watched a bit of a movie called Nick & Norah's Playlist. Then they were like we're hungry, so . . . we went and got chinese food. It was pretty delicious. When we got back to Alexis' house I listened to her play the guitar. She's fantastic at it, literally. And then Stockton taught her how to long-board. She's a real natural (: It was fun!
Well, now here I am . . . posting this blog. I guess there were a few other things that have happened over the past couple days the one that most sticks out in my head is about a boy, Chris. Now this boy is actually my type. Sweet, cute, likes coffee, nerdy, smart, and fun. Well, I was asking him if I was his type and if he would date me when he gets back from Oregon for the summer for a job he has out there. He said, " I thought we talked about this. And really you are a good friend and I try not to really even concentrate on dating. With my divorce and all. I hate to sound cliche. I would just rather go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. If that means dating then it does but I don't want to focus on that." Honestly, it kind of broke my heart a little. I really like him. I'm kind of dating this guy Adam but I really like Chris. Not saying it's a bad thing but Adam does have baggage (again not saying that this is a bad thing just saying . . . ) it's tough. Where Chris has no baggage. I don't know . . . I hate relationships and dating I just want to be done with it and settle down. (: Well, night!
So yesterday I did some fun stuff, not really . . . my life is pretty boring but I need to log it for future generations, or so they say. (:
All's I can remember from yesterday was two things; going to the gym and playing disc golf with Alexis.
Today is a whole different story.
1) I actually got to sleep in!!! This is phenominal. I rarely sleep past 6:20 . . . sad but true.
2) I got right up and went to the gym. I ran 3 miles in 41 minutes. Not bad!!! (:
3) I then went to my grandma's and did laundry. I didn't have a lot until I stripped my bed because I poured water all over myself and the sheets last nigh. Alright, funn story . . . are you ready!?
So I got up some time last night, no idea when and I guess got a bottle of water. Well I was sleeping in bed and must have been drinking that water in my bed because I woke myself up to a frozen cold splash of water to my face. It was so funny I busted up laughing in the middle of the night to a soaked bed. I thought for a second I pee'd my pants. (:
4) I went tanning, it was fantastic tomorrow is the last of my pass so I'll be sad but I still have four stand up bed days, and I'm thrilled for that! At least my day won't revolve around what time I need to go tanning anymore!
50) Once I got home I jumped in the shower and went to Alexis' house and hung out with her and Bean (her dog) and Stockton. He's a cool kat. ha-ha. We watched a bit of a movie called Nick & Norah's Playlist. Then they were like we're hungry, so . . . we went and got chinese food. It was pretty delicious. When we got back to Alexis' house I listened to her play the guitar. She's fantastic at it, literally. And then Stockton taught her how to long-board. She's a real natural (: It was fun!
Well, now here I am . . . posting this blog. I guess there were a few other things that have happened over the past couple days the one that most sticks out in my head is about a boy, Chris. Now this boy is actually my type. Sweet, cute, likes coffee, nerdy, smart, and fun. Well, I was asking him if I was his type and if he would date me when he gets back from Oregon for the summer for a job he has out there. He said, " I thought we talked about this. And really you are a good friend and I try not to really even concentrate on dating. With my divorce and all. I hate to sound cliche. I would just rather go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. If that means dating then it does but I don't want to focus on that." Honestly, it kind of broke my heart a little. I really like him. I'm kind of dating this guy Adam but I really like Chris. Not saying it's a bad thing but Adam does have baggage (again not saying that this is a bad thing just saying . . . ) it's tough. Where Chris has no baggage. I don't know . . . I hate relationships and dating I just want to be done with it and settle down. (: Well, night!
Monday, June 21, 2010
06/22/2010
Today was eventful:
1) I went to the gym it was pretty fantastic, I ran 3 miles in 45 minutes . . . not horrible, not great. You figure I haven't been for a while so I'm a little rusty. Usually it's a meat market, but it was all old people and the few trainers.
Goal: 50 pounds by summers end. I can do it, and I will do it.
2) I went to Mazda and had my tire pressure checked, turns out I had two nails in my one tire now I don't know if that was normal, don't care either all's I know is that it was FREE! (free is so awesome when you're a poor college student) Uhm- usually cute guys here too, not so much today. Oh well, Ha-Ha.
3) I went and got some money from my grandpa seeing as how I'm laid off and all I still need to eat. He knows I'm good for it and I will pay him back as soon as I get my check from my financial advisor.
4) I went grocery shopping. I found that a lot of weird people go to the Fresh Market on 3300 S. and 900 E. in SSL or Sugarhouse whatever city you want that to be in. It's weird grocery shopping for one person, it's in and out. I just pick out what I want to eat and what I will eat and out the door I go usually a $ 50.00 bill everytime I go. Which is about every two weeks. So not too bad. Considering $15.00 of that is Diet Pepsi and Water Bottles.
5) I went tanning today as well. I've gotten pretty dark in the past month of me having a pass. Mostly because I've gone at least 4/6 days a week that they're open. I can't help it. I feel better when I'm tan. I also whiten my teeth with the UV lights so my teeth are pearly white and my skins tan I just feel, sexy. Ha-Ha.
6) I then came home. I put my groceries away and watched some T.V. - mostly court shows, they're my favorite lately - then I cleaned house. Took the trash out. I've been cleaning about two times a week so that if I have company I know it's at least been recently cleaned. (:
7) Tonight I talked to Jacob Larson. It wasn't as awkward as the last time. Last time he was having some issues with his ex-fiance. I don't blame him for it being awkward but I'm not an awkward person so if I feel that you aren't interested in me (in anyway) then I will loose interest in you. So I haven't talked to him in a while. I love that man to death. He's awesome. I told him I think that he's my soul-mate. He asked me what I thought about that and I told him but now I want to know what he thinks about that. I won't ask him though because it is awkward. We won't ever be together again, which is fine so long as I have his friendship. He's my bestie! I would do anything for that guy!
8) Other than that, I painted my nails sparkle/silver. It's cute and re-arranged some stuff at home. Well, I think that this is how I'm going to do my blogs from now on, numbered. I can focus on my thoughts a lot better that's for sure!
Peace Out!
1) I went to the gym it was pretty fantastic, I ran 3 miles in 45 minutes . . . not horrible, not great. You figure I haven't been for a while so I'm a little rusty. Usually it's a meat market, but it was all old people and the few trainers.
Goal: 50 pounds by summers end. I can do it, and I will do it.
2) I went to Mazda and had my tire pressure checked, turns out I had two nails in my one tire now I don't know if that was normal, don't care either all's I know is that it was FREE! (free is so awesome when you're a poor college student) Uhm- usually cute guys here too, not so much today. Oh well, Ha-Ha.
3) I went and got some money from my grandpa seeing as how I'm laid off and all I still need to eat. He knows I'm good for it and I will pay him back as soon as I get my check from my financial advisor.
4) I went grocery shopping. I found that a lot of weird people go to the Fresh Market on 3300 S. and 900 E. in SSL or Sugarhouse whatever city you want that to be in. It's weird grocery shopping for one person, it's in and out. I just pick out what I want to eat and what I will eat and out the door I go usually a $ 50.00 bill everytime I go. Which is about every two weeks. So not too bad. Considering $15.00 of that is Diet Pepsi and Water Bottles.
5) I went tanning today as well. I've gotten pretty dark in the past month of me having a pass. Mostly because I've gone at least 4/6 days a week that they're open. I can't help it. I feel better when I'm tan. I also whiten my teeth with the UV lights so my teeth are pearly white and my skins tan I just feel, sexy. Ha-Ha.
6) I then came home. I put my groceries away and watched some T.V. - mostly court shows, they're my favorite lately - then I cleaned house. Took the trash out. I've been cleaning about two times a week so that if I have company I know it's at least been recently cleaned. (:
7) Tonight I talked to Jacob Larson. It wasn't as awkward as the last time. Last time he was having some issues with his ex-fiance. I don't blame him for it being awkward but I'm not an awkward person so if I feel that you aren't interested in me (in anyway) then I will loose interest in you. So I haven't talked to him in a while. I love that man to death. He's awesome. I told him I think that he's my soul-mate. He asked me what I thought about that and I told him but now I want to know what he thinks about that. I won't ask him though because it is awkward. We won't ever be together again, which is fine so long as I have his friendship. He's my bestie! I would do anything for that guy!
8) Other than that, I painted my nails sparkle/silver. It's cute and re-arranged some stuff at home. Well, I think that this is how I'm going to do my blogs from now on, numbered. I can focus on my thoughts a lot better that's for sure!
Peace Out!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Life.
Ever since February 22nd it's as if nothing is going right in my life.
No, this isn't going to be a lot of complaining. But how is it possible a person such as my self has so much bad luck. I mean is everyone noticing a trend in this or is it just me? I don't know how to get out of this rut.
I just want to say, right now I want to delete this. I feel like what's the point it's really not going to solve anything in my life.
. . . really, I'm thinking about deleting this whole thing. Maybe I'll just stop now and pick up later on the rest of it . . .
I'll know something is waiting for me so I may come back to it . . . Wow to have something wanting more, feels rather nice. Type later.
No, this isn't going to be a lot of complaining. But how is it possible a person such as my self has so much bad luck. I mean is everyone noticing a trend in this or is it just me? I don't know how to get out of this rut.
I just want to say, right now I want to delete this. I feel like what's the point it's really not going to solve anything in my life.
. . . really, I'm thinking about deleting this whole thing. Maybe I'll just stop now and pick up later on the rest of it . . .
I'll know something is waiting for me so I may come back to it . . . Wow to have something wanting more, feels rather nice. Type later.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Bad Luck?
Seriously, don't come around me. I've had bad luck since my car accident February 22nd 2010! I cannot get out of this bad luck spell what-so-ever. I guess at least I'm out of school in a week! I cannot wait. I especially cannot wait to find out if I got into the college of social work!!! (:
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Oh my goodness!!!!!
I can't believe everything that has gone on. I wonder sometimes why life is so hectic. It's like I can never breathe. I go to school and work my ass off to get a wonderful future and yet it feels like I will never succeed in that one goal. If I get into the college of social work at the University of Utah then I have two years to get my BSW and then I can do a fast track and get my masters (MSW). I apply April 1st - or at least that's when my application is due. Fingers Crossed, I get in!
I work ... for crap money and I don't think it's fair. I spend all this money to go to school and still have a shitty as job. HOW? How does this happen? I mean all the people I work with are awesome. The owner is awesome. I can work on homework while I'm there but I get paid shit. If I got a raise I wouldn't need to work on homework. I would do whatever they wanted me to do.
THEN! With the money I don't make both laptops crashed, hard drives both went to shit. So I had to pay with the money I don't have to fix them. Oh and my cell phone broke and I had to pay with the money I don't have. AND I got into another car accident and had to pay with the money I don't have to get a decent car.
My life really isn't that bad but lately it feels as though when it rains, it poors! Life goes on and I guess I better just smile, cause it's all only temporary (:
I work ... for crap money and I don't think it's fair. I spend all this money to go to school and still have a shitty as job. HOW? How does this happen? I mean all the people I work with are awesome. The owner is awesome. I can work on homework while I'm there but I get paid shit. If I got a raise I wouldn't need to work on homework. I would do whatever they wanted me to do.
THEN! With the money I don't make both laptops crashed, hard drives both went to shit. So I had to pay with the money I don't have to fix them. Oh and my cell phone broke and I had to pay with the money I don't have. AND I got into another car accident and had to pay with the money I don't have to get a decent car.
My life really isn't that bad but lately it feels as though when it rains, it poors! Life goes on and I guess I better just smile, cause it's all only temporary (:
Monday, January 18, 2010
New Years Resolution?!
Well, it's now a new year and life is pretty fancy. I am finishing up my pre-req's before I can apply to the College of Social Work. It's so much work, but at least I understand it and I love it (:
Isn't it funny to think of new year resolutions . . . so many people break them, so why start them? Well I can say for myself, I've never had a new years resolution, until this year. But I didn't start it the first of the year, that's just setting myself up for failure. Knowing myself. (: Well, like most other American's it's a resolution to get into shape and feel healthy. Well, it was off to a great start then a long weekend came along, haha. No, I'm doing fairly well. No fast food, one diet soda a day, if that. But my one difficulty in this is eating food that tastes like dirt, literally. Healthy food tastes like dirt, that's when I know it's good for me. More water, exercise, personal trainer, massages, facials, etc, work really well. I hope it isn't just a dud but I don't think it will be with how motivated I am at this point to succeed.
BTW, I lost 6 pounds, gained 2 back since 01/11/10 so I think I'm doing pretty fantastic (:
Isn't it funny to think of new year resolutions . . . so many people break them, so why start them? Well I can say for myself, I've never had a new years resolution, until this year. But I didn't start it the first of the year, that's just setting myself up for failure. Knowing myself. (: Well, like most other American's it's a resolution to get into shape and feel healthy. Well, it was off to a great start then a long weekend came along, haha. No, I'm doing fairly well. No fast food, one diet soda a day, if that. But my one difficulty in this is eating food that tastes like dirt, literally. Healthy food tastes like dirt, that's when I know it's good for me. More water, exercise, personal trainer, massages, facials, etc, work really well. I hope it isn't just a dud but I don't think it will be with how motivated I am at this point to succeed.
BTW, I lost 6 pounds, gained 2 back since 01/11/10 so I think I'm doing pretty fantastic (:
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I just want to be okay, today.
I miss it. I miss having someone I connect with all the time and I think my only issue is that I don't think I'll ever find as great of a friendship with anyone. Even my best, truest friends ... Lex, Shel and Ash. I won't find anyone like the one and only best friend I've ever had. It scares me to death, honestly. I guess I haven't moved on ... and I never will, even though I want to. Life goes on ...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Promise - To Post An Actual Blog
I think that I want to do this by category and how my life is at this point in time; boys, friends, school, family and misc. (:
Boys: Well I'll call this one just by the letter J. What a douche. We dated off and on my junior summer through my senior year until the middle of first semester at the U of U. We probably broke up a total of 7 times. He wanted sex and I wouldn't put out and he didn't even want to meet my family but yet he was saying how much he loved me. Excuse me? You love me AND you want to have sex with me but you don't want to meet my family and you won't let me meet your family. Am I just a secret to everyone in your life, I mean ... come on!
In between J I dated a boy from Africa, I thought it was the bomb. His accent was hot and he was even hotter! But he pulled out the, I love you card and wanted to get married to me. Well, I was falling for it until BOOM, "come over, we need to talk" he tells me we need to get married because he needs to renew his visa. Peace Out, Doucher! haha
Recently I was just friends with this guy but we talked about being possibly more. The only problem was the fact that I didn't want him to be the rebound, it just isn't fair! I had broken up with J I'd say between a month to two months before and I knew I still had feelings for him, strong feelings for him and I just wanted anything to get my mind off of him. Me and this guy I'm just friends with is still my friend but he told me he wouldn't pursue me as anything more and that's all good. I know maybe one day we might be able to be something because he's confessed that he can see me in his future. We'll see how he works out.
Other than this, I'm single. I am young and only 18, well almost 19! I want to have fun and if something happens within that I think I'll be happy with it until then ... single it is!
NEXT -
Friends: Wow - let me just put it this way. I'm no longer friends with some people I never thought I'd loose, ever! It's okay though, it's made me a stronger person and I've been able to be my own friend and learn how to live life alone. It's not really a bad thing. I miss doing everything with someone but I've become content with doing things on my own.
NEXT -
School: Well, I graduate from Itineris Early College High School in 2009. I also gave a speech and it was the hardest speech I'd ever given. These were the best two years of my life at this charter school and I loved it so much and I appreciated all the help from the faculty, teachers, students, etc. after my accident that I couldn't help but cry the WHOLE time! I also graduated from SLCC with my Associates Degree one month before high school. I got my CNA Certification as well! I was quite busy and within all of this I got accepted to the University of Utah, Brigham Young University, Westminster, Utah State University, Portland University, Northern Idaho University, University of Navada Las Vegas and Utah Valley University. Although I choose the U I might transfer one day. I'm content at this point so there is no reason to do so. Last semester I failed one class. I've never done this before and it was the hardest thing I've ever done! I am in the process of applying the the College of Social Work - I'm currently an English Major, Religion Minor & ASL Minor. It will all work out in the end!
NEXT -
Family: This was quite a year ... my great grandma has passed away. She did in September, it was very hard for my family but she left a great legacy behind and I know I am going to follow it. I lived with her a short 5 months and took care of her as best I could. She would have been 95 December 22nd 2009 (: My step-grandpa passed away as well. He was I want to say 76. He was on an LDS Mission in Japan with my step-grandma and enjoyed it as best he could even through the pain. He passed away about a month or so after my great-grandmother. He was a very kind and loving grandpa. I was very happy I got to know him for the short time I knew him. He loved me as one of his own and always wanted to know everything going on in my life.
Well, that's all for now. I think I'll try to post but once a week. It will be fancy (:
Boys: Well I'll call this one just by the letter J. What a douche. We dated off and on my junior summer through my senior year until the middle of first semester at the U of U. We probably broke up a total of 7 times. He wanted sex and I wouldn't put out and he didn't even want to meet my family but yet he was saying how much he loved me. Excuse me? You love me AND you want to have sex with me but you don't want to meet my family and you won't let me meet your family. Am I just a secret to everyone in your life, I mean ... come on!
In between J I dated a boy from Africa, I thought it was the bomb. His accent was hot and he was even hotter! But he pulled out the, I love you card and wanted to get married to me. Well, I was falling for it until BOOM, "come over, we need to talk" he tells me we need to get married because he needs to renew his visa. Peace Out, Doucher! haha
Recently I was just friends with this guy but we talked about being possibly more. The only problem was the fact that I didn't want him to be the rebound, it just isn't fair! I had broken up with J I'd say between a month to two months before and I knew I still had feelings for him, strong feelings for him and I just wanted anything to get my mind off of him. Me and this guy I'm just friends with is still my friend but he told me he wouldn't pursue me as anything more and that's all good. I know maybe one day we might be able to be something because he's confessed that he can see me in his future. We'll see how he works out.
Other than this, I'm single. I am young and only 18, well almost 19! I want to have fun and if something happens within that I think I'll be happy with it until then ... single it is!
NEXT -
Friends: Wow - let me just put it this way. I'm no longer friends with some people I never thought I'd loose, ever! It's okay though, it's made me a stronger person and I've been able to be my own friend and learn how to live life alone. It's not really a bad thing. I miss doing everything with someone but I've become content with doing things on my own.
NEXT -
School: Well, I graduate from Itineris Early College High School in 2009. I also gave a speech and it was the hardest speech I'd ever given. These were the best two years of my life at this charter school and I loved it so much and I appreciated all the help from the faculty, teachers, students, etc. after my accident that I couldn't help but cry the WHOLE time! I also graduated from SLCC with my Associates Degree one month before high school. I got my CNA Certification as well! I was quite busy and within all of this I got accepted to the University of Utah, Brigham Young University, Westminster, Utah State University, Portland University, Northern Idaho University, University of Navada Las Vegas and Utah Valley University. Although I choose the U I might transfer one day. I'm content at this point so there is no reason to do so. Last semester I failed one class. I've never done this before and it was the hardest thing I've ever done! I am in the process of applying the the College of Social Work - I'm currently an English Major, Religion Minor & ASL Minor. It will all work out in the end!
NEXT -
Family: This was quite a year ... my great grandma has passed away. She did in September, it was very hard for my family but she left a great legacy behind and I know I am going to follow it. I lived with her a short 5 months and took care of her as best I could. She would have been 95 December 22nd 2009 (: My step-grandpa passed away as well. He was I want to say 76. He was on an LDS Mission in Japan with my step-grandma and enjoyed it as best he could even through the pain. He passed away about a month or so after my great-grandmother. He was a very kind and loving grandpa. I was very happy I got to know him for the short time I knew him. He loved me as one of his own and always wanted to know everything going on in my life.
Well, that's all for now. I think I'll try to post but once a week. It will be fancy (:
Saturday, January 2, 2010
WOW! It's been a year since my last post!
WELL! A lot has changed since my last post. Since my SENIOR year of High School! I met a new, I would say friend and he said he blogs and I was like WOAH! I totally blog haha, only once a year apparently. I am now at the U! No, I'm no longer applying to Nursing School I'm now apolying to get into the College of Social Work. I got my CNA, my AS Degree & my HS diploma. I don't know why I stressed so bad.
I'll post, later but for real this time! hahah Night (:
I'll post, later but for real this time! hahah Night (:
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sometimes ...
Sometimes ... life just stinks and I don't want to do anything. Other times life is amazing and that's what keeps me keeping on. I wonder why I was born into the family I was born into. Did God just hate me? I know that's not the reason ... but still. I feel like sometimes it's more of a punishment. My grandma told me yesterday that I apprear to be arrogant. That I seem to think I'm better than them. I never said that! And I don't try to make them feel that way. I'm just trying to better myself ... and they think that's me saying I'm better than them! I'm so irritated with the way everyone turns everything I say around. I mean seriously. Can we grow up sometime soon, please? Ugh- I'll have to post more later ... my laptops about to die!
* 8 Things (from Alexis)
8 Things I'm Obsessed With:
1. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car
2. Him
3. Music
4. Texting
5. School
6. Football
7. Helping others
8. My class ring
8 Words or Phrases I Use Daily
1. "your mom"
2. "GANGSTER!"
3. "your mom's mom"
4. "really though"
5. "ugh."
6. "Maybe your mom would"
7. "your dad" (if they don't have a mom)
8. "that's gay"
8 TV Shows I Like to Watch
1. Golden Girls
2. Rob & Big
3. Home Improvement
4. Maury
5. John and Kate plus 8
6. The Simpsons
7. Family Guy
8. That 70's Show
8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Texted
2. Went dress shopping
3. Went to church
4. Slept
5. Read Scriptures
6. Took the fingernail polish off my toes
7. Babysat
8. Your mom!
8 of My Favorite Places to Eat
1. Panda
2. Dominoes
3. Jamba Juice
4. Souporsalad
5. Starbucks
6. Wingers
7. La Calandria
8. Taco Bell
8 Things I'm Looking Forward To
1. Settlement
2. Summer
3. Graduating from High school
4. Graduating from College
5. Getting my CNA
6. Getting married
7. Going to college
8. Football next season!
8 Things on My Wishlist
1. Red camera
2. New ipod
3. A cute coat
4. A new car
5. A cute hair color job
6. A happy life
7. A successful life
8. A hot husband.
1. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car
2. Him
3. Music
4. Texting
5. School
6. Football
7. Helping others
8. My class ring
8 Words or Phrases I Use Daily
1. "your mom"
2. "GANGSTER!"
3. "your mom's mom"
4. "really though"
5. "ugh."
6. "Maybe your mom would"
7. "your dad" (if they don't have a mom)
8. "that's gay"
8 TV Shows I Like to Watch
1. Golden Girls
2. Rob & Big
3. Home Improvement
4. Maury
5. John and Kate plus 8
6. The Simpsons
7. Family Guy
8. That 70's Show
8 Things I Did Yesterday
1. Texted
2. Went dress shopping
3. Went to church
4. Slept
5. Read Scriptures
6. Took the fingernail polish off my toes
7. Babysat
8. Your mom!
8 of My Favorite Places to Eat
1. Panda
2. Dominoes
3. Jamba Juice
4. Souporsalad
5. Starbucks
6. Wingers
7. La Calandria
8. Taco Bell
8 Things I'm Looking Forward To
1. Settlement
2. Summer
3. Graduating from High school
4. Graduating from College
5. Getting my CNA
6. Getting married
7. Going to college
8. Football next season!
8 Things on My Wishlist
1. Red camera
2. New ipod
3. A cute coat
4. A new car
5. A cute hair color job
6. A happy life
7. A successful life
8. A hot husband.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Football
So on November 22nd 2008 @ 4:00 P.M. The most amazing football game in the world started!!! On this day ... Utah KILLED BYU in the 4th quarter!!! (all thanks to Max Hall and his five interceptions!!!!) Here's a video to watch of fans bombarding the field ... GO UTES!!!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Love/Hate Relationship
I miss choir.
I miss middle school.
I miss Hillcrest.
I miss being young.
I miss not having to grow up.
I miss not worrying about anything, except if certain boys liked me.
I miss not being able to be myself, because as I grow older I change more and more.
I miss Jennifer & Courtney. I wish I knew their last names.
I miss being friends with Colton, Kenny, Lexi and Morgan Rugg.
I miss Adam Turley's PIRATE PARTY!
I miss stealing the basketball from the boys on the playground.
I miss flag football with Mr. Able.
I miss wall ball.
I miss being ponies and kittens.
I miss being a cute little cheerleader.
I miss my past.
I miss best friends. (Morgan Rugg, Kenny Miller, Colton Goudy, Rosalee Ochoa, Jordan Davis, Beau Southwick, Chris Sanchez, Chelsey Petric, Adam Turley, Martin Lucero, Joseph Briggs, Asheleigh Ramirez, Ashley Alexander, Breanna Blackburn)
BUT ...
I love Itineris.
I love having true friends. (Alexis, Shelbie, Dalton)
I love the idea of being an adult.
I love that I'm now LDS.
I LOVE football.
I love music still, and sing as much as is permitted.
I love Jamba Juice.
I love Subway.
I love sunsets and sunrises.
I love watching the stars.
I love how you think you have plenty of time but you really don't.
BUT ...
I hate that I don't have anything else to love.
I miss middle school.
I miss Hillcrest.
I miss being young.
I miss not having to grow up.
I miss not worrying about anything, except if certain boys liked me.
I miss not being able to be myself, because as I grow older I change more and more.
I miss Jennifer & Courtney. I wish I knew their last names.
I miss being friends with Colton, Kenny, Lexi and Morgan Rugg.
I miss Adam Turley's PIRATE PARTY!
I miss stealing the basketball from the boys on the playground.
I miss flag football with Mr. Able.
I miss wall ball.
I miss being ponies and kittens.
I miss being a cute little cheerleader.
I miss my past.
I miss best friends. (Morgan Rugg, Kenny Miller, Colton Goudy, Rosalee Ochoa, Jordan Davis, Beau Southwick, Chris Sanchez, Chelsey Petric, Adam Turley, Martin Lucero, Joseph Briggs, Asheleigh Ramirez, Ashley Alexander, Breanna Blackburn)
BUT ...
I love Itineris.
I love having true friends. (Alexis, Shelbie, Dalton)
I love the idea of being an adult.
I love that I'm now LDS.
I LOVE football.
I love music still, and sing as much as is permitted.
I love Jamba Juice.
I love Subway.
I love sunsets and sunrises.
I love watching the stars.
I love how you think you have plenty of time but you really don't.
BUT ...
I hate that I don't have anything else to love.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Prop 8
Enough already
Kevin Hamilton's Letter on Proposition 8 and the Mormon Church
Dear Friends,
In the aftermath of the recent election, we may find ourselves oddly on the defensive regarding our support for the Yes on Proposition 8 cause. Our young people have been especially subject to mean-spirited comments by high school friends and teachers. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We did nothing wrong. In fact, we did everything that a civic-minded American can and should do. I have put together a few facts that help me to appreciate our position better. For example:
1. Mormons make up less than 2 percent of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.Mormon voters were less than 5 percent of the yes vote.
2. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6 percent of the yes vote and 2.4 percent of the total Proposition 8 vote.
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.
4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.
5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.
6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.
7. African-Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70 percent of black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.
8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).
9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims -- all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.
10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or herself. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.
11. The church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States' Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof?" The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.
12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do -- we spoke up, we campaigned and we voted.
Hold your heads up high -- you did a great job on this most important cause. We will have more opportunities in the future to participate in our democratic process. Let's remember the lessons learned and do an even better job next time.
These are my personal opinions and thoughts; any errors are mine and in no way reflect official church policy or doctrine.
Thanks,
Kevin Hamilton
Kevin Hamilton's Letter on Proposition 8 and the Mormon Church
Dear Friends,
In the aftermath of the recent election, we may find ourselves oddly on the defensive regarding our support for the Yes on Proposition 8 cause. Our young people have been especially subject to mean-spirited comments by high school friends and teachers. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We did nothing wrong. In fact, we did everything that a civic-minded American can and should do. I have put together a few facts that help me to appreciate our position better. For example:
1. Mormons make up less than 2 percent of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.Mormon voters were less than 5 percent of the yes vote.
2. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6 percent of the yes vote and 2.4 percent of the total Proposition 8 vote.
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.
4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.
5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.
6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.
7. African-Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70 percent of black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.
8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).
9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims -- all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.
10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or herself. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.
11. The church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States' Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof?" The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.
12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do -- we spoke up, we campaigned and we voted.
Hold your heads up high -- you did a great job on this most important cause. We will have more opportunities in the future to participate in our democratic process. Let's remember the lessons learned and do an even better job next time.
These are my personal opinions and thoughts; any errors are mine and in no way reflect official church policy or doctrine.
Thanks,
Kevin Hamilton
11/14/17-11/14/08
If I could put this day into one word it would be hard but I would say it was BLISSFUL. I am so blessed to have all the people that I do in my life. So first I'm going to tell you what happened a year ago today. A year ago today I was in a car accident that left me dead. I got internally decapitated, my pelvis was crushed, my spleen had to be removed. I had 27 total ribs and fractures in my back. I had a broken shoulder and a broken collar bone, and major brain trauma. Well they said I wouldn't make it, either all the injuries would take me or the pneumonia would. Pneumonia isn't something to joke about either, because it is so serious it makes me sick. Well, today I got to meet the man Pat Killian that SAVED my life. YES you got it, SAVED my life. Not only am I blessed to have him in my life but all my friends, family, medical staff at the University of Utah, but also IHC Medical Center in Murray and my physical therapists with non stop care for me. I still call them and try to follow up on what we have missed out of each others lives.
I want to say some important things right now. PLEASE don't take your life for granted. PLEASE don't take anyone else's life for granted. Enjoy every breath, because before you know it something will happen and you will feel horrible because you didn't get to say good-bye, you didn't get to say you were sorry, and you didn't get to say you loved them. So next time you go to say something rude to someone even if you just barely met them, THINK about it and if you are or even aren't sorry appologize because you will regret not doing it sooner.
I know the lord helped me a tremendous amoun through this whole past year's journey through my life. I was baptized just three months before I got into this accident, if it wasn't for all the blessings, prayers and faith ... I wouldn't have pulled out alive. I don't care what faith you are, it's the change of heart that matters. I think it genuinly has to change for the lord to forgive you. I know I am by far perfect, but I'm a tool in the Lord's hands. That's what I promised to do ... and that's what I'll continue to do, until the day I die. So again, just enjoy every moment that you get to be alive. *It's a great day to be alive.*
Anyways. I love everyone in my life. I will continue to love them, adore them and admire them. I think that a lot do the same to me. Not like I'm trying to boast or think I'm better than anyone, but lots of people tell me I help them, when in all reality I think they help me. It's a payward forward cycle like Pat said today when I saw him ... He paid it forward to me to keep the life cycle going, so now it's my turn. I LOVE life, and you should too.
LOVE,
Kasandra
I want to say some important things right now. PLEASE don't take your life for granted. PLEASE don't take anyone else's life for granted. Enjoy every breath, because before you know it something will happen and you will feel horrible because you didn't get to say good-bye, you didn't get to say you were sorry, and you didn't get to say you loved them. So next time you go to say something rude to someone even if you just barely met them, THINK about it and if you are or even aren't sorry appologize because you will regret not doing it sooner.
I know the lord helped me a tremendous amoun through this whole past year's journey through my life. I was baptized just three months before I got into this accident, if it wasn't for all the blessings, prayers and faith ... I wouldn't have pulled out alive. I don't care what faith you are, it's the change of heart that matters. I think it genuinly has to change for the lord to forgive you. I know I am by far perfect, but I'm a tool in the Lord's hands. That's what I promised to do ... and that's what I'll continue to do, until the day I die. So again, just enjoy every moment that you get to be alive. *It's a great day to be alive.*
Anyways. I love everyone in my life. I will continue to love them, adore them and admire them. I think that a lot do the same to me. Not like I'm trying to boast or think I'm better than anyone, but lots of people tell me I help them, when in all reality I think they help me. It's a payward forward cycle like Pat said today when I saw him ... He paid it forward to me to keep the life cycle going, so now it's my turn. I LOVE life, and you should too.
LOVE,
Kasandra
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
*Waiting on the world to change.
Today was a day just like any other. I woke up late ... nothing new there. I went to school and my first class, communications. I only went up one more point on my ACT so luckily I signed up for the December test. It totally threw my whole entire day off. I then went to Jamba Juice, that was about the BEST part of the whole entire day. When we came back I had English ... ugh. I love it, but I hate having to be in a constant thought. I got to work, and it was alright. I got a little more organized and enjoyed my night. Now, I'm home ... I cannot do my homework so I thought I would write in my blog. (: I quite enjoy it, it is almost like a weight being pulled off my shoulders just to randomly regurgitate my day ... wOOt.
I have so much stuff due, soon! I have my english paper, and power-point. My humanities paper. My humanitites project. Then my communications speech. I have to get into Math 1010 or else, buh-bye associates before graduation. One good thing is I have all good grades! I also got into CNA at the Jordan-Tech (:
I am most likely moving in with my great-grandma on or before Thanksgiving. I'm somewhat excited. I get to be on my own ... I get to grow up ... I have to add more responsibility onto my plate, but maybe it will be worth it. I mean, it will look good when I'm applying to Nursing School at the University of Utah ... right?!? I really cannot wait to get all of this started. I want my career and my life started, and hopefully that can and will happen by the time I am 21-22 years old.
Well, I better start my ART paper ... ugh. Night!
I have so much stuff due, soon! I have my english paper, and power-point. My humanities paper. My humanitites project. Then my communications speech. I have to get into Math 1010 or else, buh-bye associates before graduation. One good thing is I have all good grades! I also got into CNA at the Jordan-Tech (:
I am most likely moving in with my great-grandma on or before Thanksgiving. I'm somewhat excited. I get to be on my own ... I get to grow up ... I have to add more responsibility onto my plate, but maybe it will be worth it. I mean, it will look good when I'm applying to Nursing School at the University of Utah ... right?!? I really cannot wait to get all of this started. I want my career and my life started, and hopefully that can and will happen by the time I am 21-22 years old.
Well, I better start my ART paper ... ugh. Night!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Life
Life is pretty awkward right now. I'm so busy with everything, I have no time for anyone. This guy wants us to be in a relationship ... but I can never see him so what is the point? Seriously. I don't have time for any of my friends, so why would I make time for a guy. Ugh. I'm pretty blessed that I have some BFF's and one BnFF! haha two girls, I would be lost without. They make the darkness, sunny. haha You get the gist. I love them so much, and now I was introduced to this guy over the weekend and he is super funny ... so we are BnFF's! Best new Friends Forever. (:
I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I feel so over whelmed, almost as if I can't breathe because I have so much stuff due, so much stuff to do, and so much stuff that was due forever ago. I cannot believe that I'm a senior and that I'm actually close to turning 18! I am really starting to feel like I'm growing up. Life is looking up and time is going by faster than I ever thought it would. Back in elementary and middle school I thought it seemed like a whole eternity before I would be a senior. I never knew I would be the preson that I am today. It's so overwhelming, just like everything else in my life.
I'm super excited, I'm going to Mexico the day after Christmas. I was completly cleared on my neck for the "year check-up" so I can do whatever I want ... so Mexico, here I come! (: I'm going with my Dad, Step-mom and Half-brother. I think it is going to be a blast, leaving COLD Utah and going to Hot Mexico. I get to go and meet real live Mexicans, I mean there are a ton here in Midvale ... but I .... no, I was going to say I could use my spanish but I have to do that here as well, so I don't know if it will be much difference. (: I'm totally joking, I'm not racist or anything but literally I'm the only white person on my street.
I'm finally getting over a friend, I never thought I would get over ... and it's super hard ... I wonder what made this person change. I wonder why people in general change. I mean, I know I changed a lot for the better. I didn't change for anyone, changed for ME and ME only. I feel betrayed by so many people. I don't really talk to anyone at school. I've always been someone that everyone talks to, and everyone gets along with. But at my school currently, I don't feel that way so much. I miss my old school, and my old friends. I miss being able to be me, and everyone accepting me. But change happens, to those who need it most.
I just needed to rant a little, more of my blogs will be structured and neater than this one. I'm sorry, about the rant, but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Have a wonderful Sunday (:
I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I feel so over whelmed, almost as if I can't breathe because I have so much stuff due, so much stuff to do, and so much stuff that was due forever ago. I cannot believe that I'm a senior and that I'm actually close to turning 18! I am really starting to feel like I'm growing up. Life is looking up and time is going by faster than I ever thought it would. Back in elementary and middle school I thought it seemed like a whole eternity before I would be a senior. I never knew I would be the preson that I am today. It's so overwhelming, just like everything else in my life.
I'm super excited, I'm going to Mexico the day after Christmas. I was completly cleared on my neck for the "year check-up" so I can do whatever I want ... so Mexico, here I come! (: I'm going with my Dad, Step-mom and Half-brother. I think it is going to be a blast, leaving COLD Utah and going to Hot Mexico. I get to go and meet real live Mexicans, I mean there are a ton here in Midvale ... but I .... no, I was going to say I could use my spanish but I have to do that here as well, so I don't know if it will be much difference. (: I'm totally joking, I'm not racist or anything but literally I'm the only white person on my street.
I'm finally getting over a friend, I never thought I would get over ... and it's super hard ... I wonder what made this person change. I wonder why people in general change. I mean, I know I changed a lot for the better. I didn't change for anyone, changed for ME and ME only. I feel betrayed by so many people. I don't really talk to anyone at school. I've always been someone that everyone talks to, and everyone gets along with. But at my school currently, I don't feel that way so much. I miss my old school, and my old friends. I miss being able to be me, and everyone accepting me. But change happens, to those who need it most.
I just needed to rant a little, more of my blogs will be structured and neater than this one. I'm sorry, about the rant, but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Have a wonderful Sunday (:
Sunday, October 12, 2008
What I love
The best feeling to me is when you are in a stadium filled with people, the noise. [the noise, that when you focus in on it, it is so distinct, yet when you are just making noise as well, it all flows together.] The feeling of a breeze, you see people getting jackets out, you don't because it is such a humble, warm feeling. Some people get it while praying, I have. But, I think I get it more at that stadium, filled with those people, cheering for that Team because I'm more willing to listen at that time. It's sad to say, but I think I can face that fact. I'm so relaxed, it always seems that at third quarter is when I get these feelings. It's somewhat awkward. I pay full attention first half, then it's third quarter and I'm in my own little world. I snap out about two minutes before fourth quarter. Maybe, it's just me, but I LOVE that feeling, and I love being apart of such a LIVE feeling. I wouldn't call it an emotion, I wouldn't call it "just-a-word". I love it with all my body, mind, and heart can give. GO UTES!
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