Running Away . . .

I have felt as though lately I have been running away from everything. I haven't though, I know I haven't. I just am really feeling like I have no cares in my life. Even though, I've lost my job, found out some helath stuff I need to take care off, my new(er) car breaking on me, boys saying one thing and meaning another, having little to no (true) friends. But these things don't matter to me, I don't think. I mean I can't continue to get wrapped up in things I can't change. I'm all for change but only when it's wanted. Don't get me wrong I want it but maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change.

I also have thought a lot about settling down. I have a perfect potential candidate . . . but he's super busy ALL the time that I can't seem to show trust. It's horrible, I'm 19 and have trust issues but what can I do about it? So for now, I sit and I sit and I sit and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change."

I've also been thinking about how everyone seems to be your friend until you have nothing left to give or offer. Well, that they are looking for. I always have things to offer just not the same thing all of the time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's love and other times it's a shoulder, it's an ear, it's a simple few words of advice and sometimes it's the silence they've been looking for . . . once they've come to me and taken every last drop out of my they're gone. That's fine, I just wish one person would stay a while. It would sure make me feel good! Until then, I wait and I wait and I wait and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change [either]."

Life goes on.
Life doesn't stop for everyone.
Life also doesn't just change for anyone.

I'm okay with this now. It's taken far too long and I still have a lot of waiting to do, a lot of hoping, wishing and broken hearts but I'm excited (not really) for it. Now on to the next chapter of my life. I think I've finally surpassed my teenage years and I'm ready . . . I'm really ready.

(: