Thursday, October 21, 2010
(:
Life is a crazy thing. I wake up each day. When almost 3 years ago I was dead. Why didn't I die? Why did I just go? I'm not sure if I'm happy that I'm still here. I go though life day by day. I don't feel much. I don't get excited for anything and I don't really care about anyone or anything. My family and close friends are fantastic. I love em but what am I really doing for them? Nobody's perfect. Literally have you ever met someone who's perfect. I want to be perfect. I'm going back to church. I'm starting to live my life more freely and that's what makes me wonder if it's even worth it. Well, one thing's for sure. Life goes on! (:
Monday, June 28, 2010
Running Away . . .
I have felt as though lately I have been running away from everything. I haven't though, I know I haven't. I just am really feeling like I have no cares in my life. Even though, I've lost my job, found out some helath stuff I need to take care off, my new(er) car breaking on me, boys saying one thing and meaning another, having little to no (true) friends. But these things don't matter to me, I don't think. I mean I can't continue to get wrapped up in things I can't change. I'm all for change but only when it's wanted. Don't get me wrong I want it but maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change.
I also have thought a lot about settling down. I have a perfect potential candidate . . . but he's super busy ALL the time that I can't seem to show trust. It's horrible, I'm 19 and have trust issues but what can I do about it? So for now, I sit and I sit and I sit and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change."
I've also been thinking about how everyone seems to be your friend until you have nothing left to give or offer. Well, that they are looking for. I always have things to offer just not the same thing all of the time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's love and other times it's a shoulder, it's an ear, it's a simple few words of advice and sometimes it's the silence they've been looking for . . . once they've come to me and taken every last drop out of my they're gone. That's fine, I just wish one person would stay a while. It would sure make me feel good! Until then, I wait and I wait and I wait and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change [either]."
Life goes on.
Life doesn't stop for everyone.
Life also doesn't just change for anyone.
I'm okay with this now. It's taken far too long and I still have a lot of waiting to do, a lot of hoping, wishing and broken hearts but I'm excited (not really) for it. Now on to the next chapter of my life. I think I've finally surpassed my teenage years and I'm ready . . . I'm really ready.
(:
I also have thought a lot about settling down. I have a perfect potential candidate . . . but he's super busy ALL the time that I can't seem to show trust. It's horrible, I'm 19 and have trust issues but what can I do about it? So for now, I sit and I sit and I sit and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change."
I've also been thinking about how everyone seems to be your friend until you have nothing left to give or offer. Well, that they are looking for. I always have things to offer just not the same thing all of the time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's love and other times it's a shoulder, it's an ear, it's a simple few words of advice and sometimes it's the silence they've been looking for . . . once they've come to me and taken every last drop out of my they're gone. That's fine, I just wish one person would stay a while. It would sure make me feel good! Until then, I wait and I wait and I wait and I'm lonely. Like I said before, "maybe it's not the right time or place for this kind of change [either]."
Life goes on.
Life doesn't stop for everyone.
Life also doesn't just change for anyone.
I'm okay with this now. It's taken far too long and I still have a lot of waiting to do, a lot of hoping, wishing and broken hearts but I'm excited (not really) for it. Now on to the next chapter of my life. I think I've finally surpassed my teenage years and I'm ready . . . I'm really ready.
(:
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The internet has a mind of it's own.
Yesterday I didn't get on to blog because my internet has a mind of it's own.
So yesterday I did some fun stuff, not really . . . my life is pretty boring but I need to log it for future generations, or so they say. (:
All's I can remember from yesterday was two things; going to the gym and playing disc golf with Alexis.
Today is a whole different story.
1) I actually got to sleep in!!! This is phenominal. I rarely sleep past 6:20 . . . sad but true.
2) I got right up and went to the gym. I ran 3 miles in 41 minutes. Not bad!!! (:
3) I then went to my grandma's and did laundry. I didn't have a lot until I stripped my bed because I poured water all over myself and the sheets last nigh. Alright, funn story . . . are you ready!?
So I got up some time last night, no idea when and I guess got a bottle of water. Well I was sleeping in bed and must have been drinking that water in my bed because I woke myself up to a frozen cold splash of water to my face. It was so funny I busted up laughing in the middle of the night to a soaked bed. I thought for a second I pee'd my pants. (:
4) I went tanning, it was fantastic tomorrow is the last of my pass so I'll be sad but I still have four stand up bed days, and I'm thrilled for that! At least my day won't revolve around what time I need to go tanning anymore!
50) Once I got home I jumped in the shower and went to Alexis' house and hung out with her and Bean (her dog) and Stockton. He's a cool kat. ha-ha. We watched a bit of a movie called Nick & Norah's Playlist. Then they were like we're hungry, so . . . we went and got chinese food. It was pretty delicious. When we got back to Alexis' house I listened to her play the guitar. She's fantastic at it, literally. And then Stockton taught her how to long-board. She's a real natural (: It was fun!
Well, now here I am . . . posting this blog. I guess there were a few other things that have happened over the past couple days the one that most sticks out in my head is about a boy, Chris. Now this boy is actually my type. Sweet, cute, likes coffee, nerdy, smart, and fun. Well, I was asking him if I was his type and if he would date me when he gets back from Oregon for the summer for a job he has out there. He said, " I thought we talked about this. And really you are a good friend and I try not to really even concentrate on dating. With my divorce and all. I hate to sound cliche. I would just rather go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. If that means dating then it does but I don't want to focus on that." Honestly, it kind of broke my heart a little. I really like him. I'm kind of dating this guy Adam but I really like Chris. Not saying it's a bad thing but Adam does have baggage (again not saying that this is a bad thing just saying . . . ) it's tough. Where Chris has no baggage. I don't know . . . I hate relationships and dating I just want to be done with it and settle down. (: Well, night!
So yesterday I did some fun stuff, not really . . . my life is pretty boring but I need to log it for future generations, or so they say. (:
All's I can remember from yesterday was two things; going to the gym and playing disc golf with Alexis.
Today is a whole different story.
1) I actually got to sleep in!!! This is phenominal. I rarely sleep past 6:20 . . . sad but true.
2) I got right up and went to the gym. I ran 3 miles in 41 minutes. Not bad!!! (:
3) I then went to my grandma's and did laundry. I didn't have a lot until I stripped my bed because I poured water all over myself and the sheets last nigh. Alright, funn story . . . are you ready!?
So I got up some time last night, no idea when and I guess got a bottle of water. Well I was sleeping in bed and must have been drinking that water in my bed because I woke myself up to a frozen cold splash of water to my face. It was so funny I busted up laughing in the middle of the night to a soaked bed. I thought for a second I pee'd my pants. (:
4) I went tanning, it was fantastic tomorrow is the last of my pass so I'll be sad but I still have four stand up bed days, and I'm thrilled for that! At least my day won't revolve around what time I need to go tanning anymore!
50) Once I got home I jumped in the shower and went to Alexis' house and hung out with her and Bean (her dog) and Stockton. He's a cool kat. ha-ha. We watched a bit of a movie called Nick & Norah's Playlist. Then they were like we're hungry, so . . . we went and got chinese food. It was pretty delicious. When we got back to Alexis' house I listened to her play the guitar. She's fantastic at it, literally. And then Stockton taught her how to long-board. She's a real natural (: It was fun!
Well, now here I am . . . posting this blog. I guess there were a few other things that have happened over the past couple days the one that most sticks out in my head is about a boy, Chris. Now this boy is actually my type. Sweet, cute, likes coffee, nerdy, smart, and fun. Well, I was asking him if I was his type and if he would date me when he gets back from Oregon for the summer for a job he has out there. He said, " I thought we talked about this. And really you are a good friend and I try not to really even concentrate on dating. With my divorce and all. I hate to sound cliche. I would just rather go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may. If that means dating then it does but I don't want to focus on that." Honestly, it kind of broke my heart a little. I really like him. I'm kind of dating this guy Adam but I really like Chris. Not saying it's a bad thing but Adam does have baggage (again not saying that this is a bad thing just saying . . . ) it's tough. Where Chris has no baggage. I don't know . . . I hate relationships and dating I just want to be done with it and settle down. (: Well, night!
Monday, June 21, 2010
06/22/2010
Today was eventful:
1) I went to the gym it was pretty fantastic, I ran 3 miles in 45 minutes . . . not horrible, not great. You figure I haven't been for a while so I'm a little rusty. Usually it's a meat market, but it was all old people and the few trainers.
Goal: 50 pounds by summers end. I can do it, and I will do it.
2) I went to Mazda and had my tire pressure checked, turns out I had two nails in my one tire now I don't know if that was normal, don't care either all's I know is that it was FREE! (free is so awesome when you're a poor college student) Uhm- usually cute guys here too, not so much today. Oh well, Ha-Ha.
3) I went and got some money from my grandpa seeing as how I'm laid off and all I still need to eat. He knows I'm good for it and I will pay him back as soon as I get my check from my financial advisor.
4) I went grocery shopping. I found that a lot of weird people go to the Fresh Market on 3300 S. and 900 E. in SSL or Sugarhouse whatever city you want that to be in. It's weird grocery shopping for one person, it's in and out. I just pick out what I want to eat and what I will eat and out the door I go usually a $ 50.00 bill everytime I go. Which is about every two weeks. So not too bad. Considering $15.00 of that is Diet Pepsi and Water Bottles.
5) I went tanning today as well. I've gotten pretty dark in the past month of me having a pass. Mostly because I've gone at least 4/6 days a week that they're open. I can't help it. I feel better when I'm tan. I also whiten my teeth with the UV lights so my teeth are pearly white and my skins tan I just feel, sexy. Ha-Ha.
6) I then came home. I put my groceries away and watched some T.V. - mostly court shows, they're my favorite lately - then I cleaned house. Took the trash out. I've been cleaning about two times a week so that if I have company I know it's at least been recently cleaned. (:
7) Tonight I talked to Jacob Larson. It wasn't as awkward as the last time. Last time he was having some issues with his ex-fiance. I don't blame him for it being awkward but I'm not an awkward person so if I feel that you aren't interested in me (in anyway) then I will loose interest in you. So I haven't talked to him in a while. I love that man to death. He's awesome. I told him I think that he's my soul-mate. He asked me what I thought about that and I told him but now I want to know what he thinks about that. I won't ask him though because it is awkward. We won't ever be together again, which is fine so long as I have his friendship. He's my bestie! I would do anything for that guy!
8) Other than that, I painted my nails sparkle/silver. It's cute and re-arranged some stuff at home. Well, I think that this is how I'm going to do my blogs from now on, numbered. I can focus on my thoughts a lot better that's for sure!
Peace Out!
1) I went to the gym it was pretty fantastic, I ran 3 miles in 45 minutes . . . not horrible, not great. You figure I haven't been for a while so I'm a little rusty. Usually it's a meat market, but it was all old people and the few trainers.
Goal: 50 pounds by summers end. I can do it, and I will do it.
2) I went to Mazda and had my tire pressure checked, turns out I had two nails in my one tire now I don't know if that was normal, don't care either all's I know is that it was FREE! (free is so awesome when you're a poor college student) Uhm- usually cute guys here too, not so much today. Oh well, Ha-Ha.
3) I went and got some money from my grandpa seeing as how I'm laid off and all I still need to eat. He knows I'm good for it and I will pay him back as soon as I get my check from my financial advisor.
4) I went grocery shopping. I found that a lot of weird people go to the Fresh Market on 3300 S. and 900 E. in SSL or Sugarhouse whatever city you want that to be in. It's weird grocery shopping for one person, it's in and out. I just pick out what I want to eat and what I will eat and out the door I go usually a $ 50.00 bill everytime I go. Which is about every two weeks. So not too bad. Considering $15.00 of that is Diet Pepsi and Water Bottles.
5) I went tanning today as well. I've gotten pretty dark in the past month of me having a pass. Mostly because I've gone at least 4/6 days a week that they're open. I can't help it. I feel better when I'm tan. I also whiten my teeth with the UV lights so my teeth are pearly white and my skins tan I just feel, sexy. Ha-Ha.
6) I then came home. I put my groceries away and watched some T.V. - mostly court shows, they're my favorite lately - then I cleaned house. Took the trash out. I've been cleaning about two times a week so that if I have company I know it's at least been recently cleaned. (:
7) Tonight I talked to Jacob Larson. It wasn't as awkward as the last time. Last time he was having some issues with his ex-fiance. I don't blame him for it being awkward but I'm not an awkward person so if I feel that you aren't interested in me (in anyway) then I will loose interest in you. So I haven't talked to him in a while. I love that man to death. He's awesome. I told him I think that he's my soul-mate. He asked me what I thought about that and I told him but now I want to know what he thinks about that. I won't ask him though because it is awkward. We won't ever be together again, which is fine so long as I have his friendship. He's my bestie! I would do anything for that guy!
8) Other than that, I painted my nails sparkle/silver. It's cute and re-arranged some stuff at home. Well, I think that this is how I'm going to do my blogs from now on, numbered. I can focus on my thoughts a lot better that's for sure!
Peace Out!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Life.
Ever since February 22nd it's as if nothing is going right in my life.
No, this isn't going to be a lot of complaining. But how is it possible a person such as my self has so much bad luck. I mean is everyone noticing a trend in this or is it just me? I don't know how to get out of this rut.
I just want to say, right now I want to delete this. I feel like what's the point it's really not going to solve anything in my life.
. . . really, I'm thinking about deleting this whole thing. Maybe I'll just stop now and pick up later on the rest of it . . .
I'll know something is waiting for me so I may come back to it . . . Wow to have something wanting more, feels rather nice. Type later.
No, this isn't going to be a lot of complaining. But how is it possible a person such as my self has so much bad luck. I mean is everyone noticing a trend in this or is it just me? I don't know how to get out of this rut.
I just want to say, right now I want to delete this. I feel like what's the point it's really not going to solve anything in my life.
. . . really, I'm thinking about deleting this whole thing. Maybe I'll just stop now and pick up later on the rest of it . . .
I'll know something is waiting for me so I may come back to it . . . Wow to have something wanting more, feels rather nice. Type later.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Bad Luck?
Seriously, don't come around me. I've had bad luck since my car accident February 22nd 2010! I cannot get out of this bad luck spell what-so-ever. I guess at least I'm out of school in a week! I cannot wait. I especially cannot wait to find out if I got into the college of social work!!! (:
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Oh my goodness!!!!!
I can't believe everything that has gone on. I wonder sometimes why life is so hectic. It's like I can never breathe. I go to school and work my ass off to get a wonderful future and yet it feels like I will never succeed in that one goal. If I get into the college of social work at the University of Utah then I have two years to get my BSW and then I can do a fast track and get my masters (MSW). I apply April 1st - or at least that's when my application is due. Fingers Crossed, I get in!
I work ... for crap money and I don't think it's fair. I spend all this money to go to school and still have a shitty as job. HOW? How does this happen? I mean all the people I work with are awesome. The owner is awesome. I can work on homework while I'm there but I get paid shit. If I got a raise I wouldn't need to work on homework. I would do whatever they wanted me to do.
THEN! With the money I don't make both laptops crashed, hard drives both went to shit. So I had to pay with the money I don't have to fix them. Oh and my cell phone broke and I had to pay with the money I don't have. AND I got into another car accident and had to pay with the money I don't have to get a decent car.
My life really isn't that bad but lately it feels as though when it rains, it poors! Life goes on and I guess I better just smile, cause it's all only temporary (:
I work ... for crap money and I don't think it's fair. I spend all this money to go to school and still have a shitty as job. HOW? How does this happen? I mean all the people I work with are awesome. The owner is awesome. I can work on homework while I'm there but I get paid shit. If I got a raise I wouldn't need to work on homework. I would do whatever they wanted me to do.
THEN! With the money I don't make both laptops crashed, hard drives both went to shit. So I had to pay with the money I don't have to fix them. Oh and my cell phone broke and I had to pay with the money I don't have. AND I got into another car accident and had to pay with the money I don't have to get a decent car.
My life really isn't that bad but lately it feels as though when it rains, it poors! Life goes on and I guess I better just smile, cause it's all only temporary (:
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